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Obama discovers Death

September 10, 2009

In an emergency prime-time address to a joint session of Congress, President Barack Obama revealed the following startling consequence of opposing his health care plan.

“More Americans will lose their coverage when they are sick and need it most and more will die as a result.”

I was not aware that employers had a new tool to determine when their staff was sick and truly needed health care. Or that insurance companies have improved their actuarial tables to the point that they can now accurately determine the critical point at which to drop coverage.

But maybe I missed the President’s point. Maybe he’s really earnest about this health care thing because he’s finally found out that he’s not invincible. People don’t live forever. He went to law school, not medical school, so he can be forgiven for not knowing this previously. Clearly his top-flight team of advisors has shown him the awful statistics: 100% of humans who survive childbirth eventually die!

 Obama’s efforts to stop this epidemic of deaths are welcome. Surely a bipartisan effort can be made to stop this needless cycle of birth and death. Sources in the GOP have said that they, too, want to stop death, and are in fact calling for a “humans bill of rights to life”.  But a misunderstanding with their Democrat colleagues forced them to change the language to “right to remain alive after a successful planned birth”.

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