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Coach Williams, the White House is on the line.

April 6, 2009

The following conversation was NOT recorded.

“Roy? Roy! I know you’re busy watching film on the Spartans, but the President would like to talk to you.”

“Hello, Mr. President. It’s an honor to speak with you. How are things in Turkey?”

“heheh. You prefer kobe steak. Yes sir, that’s a good one. I’m sorry to be short, Mr. President, but it’s a busy day for me. Did you call to wish the Tarheels good luck?”

“No sir, I don’t know what Coach K was thinking either. Yes sir, I know Reggie Love played for him, and is now on your staff. As I was saying, sir, I need to do a walkthrough with my team.”

“Yes sir, the economy is bad. Worse before it gets better, yes sir. Worse in Michigan? I wouldn’t know, sir, I’ve been busy the past couple months. Yes sir, I’ll take your word for it.”

“Detroit has been a fine host city, sir. Yes sir, I know Michigan State and Detroit are both in Michigan. I imagine there WILL be a lot of Michigan State fans there, sir. Yes, I imagine they would be very happy if the Spartans won, sir. Say, are you calling to tell me that you’re picking them? That’s ok, sir, your vote is yours, cast it as you wish.”

“You want us to WHAT? No sir, I’ve never done that before. No sir, it is NOT done all the time! HOW COULD YOU ASK THAT? Yes sir, I know I’ve won a championship before. YES SIR, I know UNC has won a lot of championships. NOT FAIR?!?! TOO MANY TITLES?!?! MR. PRESIDENT, UNC IS NOT GREEDY! Mr. President, this program has worked damn hard for every title! I will NOT…”

“…I’m sorry sir. Yes sir, I know you’re my President. Who did I vote for? That’s a private matter, sir. Yes sir, I know that it would take Michigan’s mind off of the economy. Yes sir, I know it would be good for Detroit. Sir, have you talked to Coach Izzo about this? I don’t think he would approve. No sir, I don’t think he would like to win, this way. Yes sir, I know we beat them already this year. THEIR TURN? No sir, I don’t see it that way. Yes sir, I know Coach Izzo’s team works hard, too. Yes sir, I know it would be a good thing for them. What about my state, sir? North Carolina voted for you too, sir. Yes sir, I know it was close. Yes sir, I’m aware that you have a lot of supporters in Michigan. Yes sir, I know we have some big banking in North Carolina. Blame it on them, sir? I don’t see how I could do that, Mr. President. Sir, what would I tell Tyler and Danny? They’re seniors. Yes sir, I know they’ll both do fine in the NBA. Spread the wealth, sir? No sir, I don’t really believe in that, sir.”

“I’m.. I’m sorry, Mr. President, I can’t give you an answer right now. What’s that, sir? No, I’m fine. You’ll send me HOW MUCH? No sir, if I do this, you won’t need to send me any money. I’ll call you back in an hour with the answer. Ummmm, it was an honor speaking to you.”

“Do I know a where to contact a bookmaker? No, Mr. President. Yes, I know we’re spending a lot these days. Yes sir, two birds with one stone, sir. Umm, enjoy the rest of your trip, Mr. President.”

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